Run your life, or it will run you!

Even though I am now well aware of my ADHD and work hard to compensate for some of the challenges it creates, I'm still not immune to the impact it can have on my day to day work.  The month of February was not an easy one for me to navigate for some reason.  I felt like I was trying to walk through knee deep mud as I juggled my business, my family, and various other activities I'm involved with.  Last week I looked at the calendar and said, "holy smokes! February is almost over!"

I fell short on several things I wanted to accomplish.  The thing is, I didn't notice I was falling behind.  Why not?  Because I fell into the trap of letting the days run me rather than me running the day.  It's an easy trap to fall into.  You mean to focus on networking with contacts you have first thing in the morning.  However, the phone rings off the hook, the emails are flying in, and you forgot all about that dentist appointment.  Pretty soon half the day is gone, and you haven't networked with anyone.  So you resolve, this afternoon is it!  I'll make up for lost time.  But, the phone still rings, the email still comes, and your kids get home from school.  You need to think about dinner, rides to practice, or that meeting you agreed to attend.  Suddenly it's 5:30 p.m. and still no networking done.  Oh, well there's always tomorrow.

Don't fall into this trap!  While life has a way of disrupting the most structured schedule all too often we allow ourselves to get sucked into the urgency of the mundane, rather than the more important projects we should be working on.  If you have ADHD it's even more difficult.  You lose focus, you spend valuable mental energy on things that could wait, then struggle transitioning back to what you really wanted to be focused on.  If I had to identify the single greatest struggle I have with ADHD it is this.
So, it's time to regroup and identify where things are going off track, and what could be done differently.
In no particular order, here are the issues, and the opportunities for forward movement:

1. My Schedule lacked detail.  It just simply wasn't enough to say I was going to network.  I needed to have specific people I was planning to call, and block out time to call each one.
2. I didn't respect my own calendar: if I said I was going to exercise at 12:00, then I need to treat that like an appointment with myself, and not allow things to intrude unless absolutely necessary.
3. I need to set boundaries that are clear not only for my family but for me!

So having identified, the issues, here are the opportunities:

1.  I can create a dedicated block of time every week to plan.  This will allow me a chance to look at everything; my work goals, my family's activities, my personal fitness plans, and any appointments I have scheduled.  I can create a detailed schedule that identifies specific things I want and need to do, and when to do them.  When I wake up Monday morning, I'll have a roadmap for a productive week.
2.  I can embrace the idea that structure leads to success.  Being structured requires that you respect your calendar.
3.  I can define my boundaries so everyone, including me knows what they are.  Then we'll all be on the same page.

Obviously life doesn't always go 100% according to plan.  But unless the plan is in place, you won't see when you're off track.  I feel good about implementing positive changes like these into my life.  I feel like I'm actually the one who's in charge.  Because ultimately, if I'm unwilling to run my life, life is going to run me.

ADHD and the Stress of minor holidays

While its well documented that the "major holidays" (which I define as Thanksgiving, Christmas, your spouses' Birthday, your Wedding Anniversary, and any major event that brings together large numbers of people related to you; you can feel free to think of any of them as major) can create a lot of stress I would argue that the minor ones are just as problematic for many people.  If you happen to have ADHD it can be even worse.  For Valentine's day I thought it would be appropriate to post a few thoughts about how a day like today can create a real issue for people who have trouble with a regular week, let alone a week where for one day you are also supposed to figure out how to be romantic, charming, and original when you may not be any of those things the other 364 days of the year.

For people like me, it takes a lot of energy to think through Valentine's day.  I've got to figure out when I can find time to look for a little something for my wife; then I've got to decide what I may get for her.  Once I've done that, I've actually got to follow through on those plans, and by the way, keep up with all the other stuff I have going on.   While for many people this may not seem like much, it's a real challenge for people who struggle with planning, self activation, and execution.  Throw on top of that memories of how you may have screwed up a day like Valentine's in the past and the fall out from that and you have yourself a full blown case of minor holiday anxiety.

Ok, deep breath!  We will get through this!  And Mother's day too!  But the key to really taking the stress and anxiety out of a day like Valentine's day is to flip all the negative thoughts.  Instead of worrying about what you're going to do, think about your romantic partner.  If you love them, then think about how great it is to make them happy.  Think about how it feels when you do something nice for them.  Then take those thoughts and keep them in mind as you plan when you will make a dinner reservation or a trip to the florists.  Remember, Valentine's Day is not like doing your taxes; theoretically, the person you are with makes you happy and you love them.  Have some fun with picking out a gift, or deciding on an activity.  Then make sure you actually tell them about why you decided on a certain thing, and why you thought they might like it.  Take a few moments to realize that it's not what you spend, but the fact that you actually pulled it together to do something special.

So fear not when confronted with Valentine's Day, Mother's day, Father's day, or some other day when your executive functions may be a little extra taxed.  Take a minute to think about how you feel about your Wife/Husband/Mother/Father/Romantic other.  Think about what you could do to tell them how you feel, and then put it in your calendar, on your to do list, and in your smart phone.  Now please forgive me, but I need to run to the Florists!