It's not always your fault!

One of the vestiges I have of living with undiagnosed ADHD for so long is a tendency to assume I'm at fault unless shown otherwise.  This is the result of getting into hot water over things like missed assignments, missed deadlines, forgotten appointments, procrastination, disorganization, and all the other aspects of ADHD.  Because you were to blame for the electric company shutting off the power because you didn't mail payments for three months you tend to assume if something bad happens you probably have something to do with it, (A quick aside; don't laugh, but this actually happened to me.  I had a bunch of bills to be mailed out in my car and forgot they were there. Same thing the next month.  Eventually I found most of them and sent them off, but didn't send the electric bills. We had three checks written out and my wife couldn't figure out why we kept getting disconnect notices.  Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to admit that we had our power shut off because I forgot to mail the bill out THREE MONTHS IN A ROW? But I digress....).  

Since being diagnosed and treating my ADHD things have gotten much better and I don't usually create such chaos in my life.  However, I do have a tendency to jump to the conclusion that I'm in the wrong if something negative happens.  Here's an example: I got a letter from my bank telling me my  business account was overdrawn and I needed to address the situation.  I immediately panicked; I went through my checkbook register assuming I had it all screwed up.  When it seemed to be in order I decided I couldn't be right so I went on line and looked at every transaction and tried to match it up with my checkbook.  I found that I had recorded a deposit that the bank didn't have.  I searched through my car thinking I had forgotten to make it.  Then it struck me that maybe the bank was wrong.  I called the local branch where I make all the deposits and asked a few questions.  It turns out that they had received my deposit and it was credited to my personal account instead of my business account.  They were extremely apologetic and credited me back any fees I'd incurred.  Wow, I thought, it wasn't my fault at all.  I was on the verge of making a deposit and not questioning it.  I saved myself several hundred dollars and felt good about myself as well.

What are the lessons here?

1.  Don't always assume something is your fault.  Verify the facts, review what you have done, and make sure that you have met your responsibilities.
2.  Don't avoid dealing with the situation out of fear or wishing to avoid embarrassment.  Better to catch a mistake or omission now then letting it fester for weeks or months.
3.  Do give yourself credit for things you have done well and stayed on top of even if you have made a mistake.  I don't know many perfect people, and I would guess you don't either.
4.  Do accept responsibility if indeed the situation is your fault, and offer to make amends.  Then let it go, and ask yourself how you can do things differently to avoid this situation in the future.
5.  Always be willing to ask questions and stand up for yourself.  There is nothing wrong with asking a bank or whomever to explain why they think this is your fault.  Make sure you are 100% satisfied with their answers.  Don't allow your past to color your present.

It's always hard to overcome the negative feelings we may have about ourselves because of our past mistakes.  However, it's ok to move ahead as someone that has turned the page on that part of your life.  Don't always assume it's you; there's plenty of mistakes being made without your help.