Have you told people you know about your ADHD?

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.  I had always suspected there was something not quite right with me, but always chalked it up to character flaws, or just needing to try harder.  When I got the news that I did have ADHD and that it likely was a big part in my life's struggles I wanted to tell the world!  It was a big deal for me!  I knew what the problem was and I could do something about it.  Then reality sunk in a little.  Sure my family was pleased that I was taking steps to treat my ADHD; I mean, I had engaged in completely frustrating behavior for years why wouldn't they be?  The thought occurred to me that maybe I should tell my Boss.  It would explain a lot, and maybe it would help me get back on track at work.  I also thought about telling a few friends, and maybe a couple of people that I'd had some dealings with in the past that had been complicated by ADHD.  But then I heard the phrase that stopped me dead in my tracks: "aren't you just using this as an excuse?".

I hate hearing people say that.  It's a lose-lose question because there's no good answer anyone can give.  If you say it's not an excuse, they reply will be "well, it sounds like you're trying to use it as one anyway", and the other option is that you are using it as an excuse.  People who ask you that question might as well say "there is no excuse for your past mistakes or omissions, and by the way you're making it worse by telling me this."  Implying that someone is using ADHD as a means to deny or avoid responsibility is making a moral judgement about that person.  Adults who have lived with undiagnosed ADHD are ripe for falling into the trap of accepting those moral judgements.  They have damaged self esteem, and they readily accept criticism as legitimate.   I was no different.  I avoided telling anyone outside of my immediate family for quite some time.

I don't have an issue telling people now.  I saw a therapist who helped me to understand that I could accept responsibility for my mistakes without accepting moral condemnation.  I became better at meeting my obligations, and seeing where I have trouble doing so.  I gained insight into who I was, and why some things had gone so wrong in the past.  Finally, I came to the conclusion that the only person's opinion that really mattered was my own.  If I was comfortable with who I was I didn't really care if anyone else outside of my family was.

My suggestion to anyone struggling with this question would be to proceed slowly.  Learn to forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made.  See a qualified therapist if you are struggling with issues related to self esteem or self confidence.  Take pride in the work you are doing to treat your ADHD and the courage you are displaying for taking the first few steps.  Become comfortable with who you are.  When you're ready to tell people you'll know.  It will be as easy as telling someone you wear contact lenses.  And it should be that easy for everyone, but for now we just have to work hard every day to educate the world about ADHD.