The key to managing a crisis? Quiet the inner critic.

If you have ADHD you probably have had a number of crisis situations that have been caused by a lack of attention, a lack of timely action, forgetting about an obligation, or a combination of any of these three things.  I use the word crisis because that's what it feels like; we are in a situation that can cause a near panic in some.  It is no coincidence that people with ADHD frequently suffer from anxiety and it's darker sibling depression.  There have been so many instances in people's lives that something has gone wrong that they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  One of the problems is that ADHD causes our brains to overload easily.  When faced with three tasks that all seem equally urgent a state of paralysis can set in.  It is not unusual to hear people relating stories of nearly being foreclosed upon not because they couldn't pay their bills, but but because they just didn't.  Their checking account had all kinds of money, but they just couldn't handle sorting through all the paperwork and accounts to figure out what needed to get paid.

I have observed that all people tend to be fairly self critical, or at least most of the people that I come into contact with.  But when you have ADHD you have a wealth of "evidence" to back up some of the self criticism and reinforce it.  "This is just like that time you forgot to mail the tax returns and had to pay penalties", or "can't I do anything right?".  Many times that critical voice inside our head sounds like a stern  parental or authority figure.  We fear that voice, and yet we also desperately want it's approval.  I have written elsewhere that one of the keys to treating ADHD is self forgiveness.  That critical voice in our head is simply us; we want to be a better person, we just don't know how.

Diagnosis can bring a reprieve for some.  For others the voice continues, chastising us for using ADHD as an excuse.  When we are under stress, and a situation arises where we have to take action, the inner voice can hinder us terribly.  It can dredge up old emotions, old failures, and feelings of anxiety.  This is just what we don't need!  To effectively manage all aspects of your life with ADHD you need to quiet the inner critic.  You need to infuse your mind with calm rational thoughts.  Here are some techniques that I use, and also work with my clients on:

1. Breathe.  Take ten deep, slow breaths and count to ten.  Close your eyes while your doing it.  Exhale deeply each time.  Your problems are still there, but you have now calmed yourself to a degree.

2. Get up and move.  Exercise reduces stress and increases focus.  Sometimes during a walk or a run a new thought or approach to a problem will occur to me.  Endorphins released by exercise will help calm you and get your mind to a more productive state.

3. Break it down: problems and personal crises can seem huge and overwhelming.  Break it down into manageable parts.  For example: I have a client that was very worried about finances.  In our conversations "finances" kept coming up as a big issue.  I asked what "finances" meant.  My client was surprised by the question.  We spent the rest of the call breaking down all the pieces that went into their financial situation, and then we formulated a plan: a. balance the checkbook and see how much money there actually is, then b. Sort the bills and see how much you owe.  Happily, my client realized that they had enough money to cover their bills, and was deeply relieved to have gotten rid of the worry about money.

4. Check emotions at the door: this can be a hard one.  Sit down and analyze the situation.  What needs to be done?  What can you do?  What help can you ask for?  What resources are available? Who else is going to be impacted?  Once you have this mapped out the choices can become much more clear.

5. Be willing to accept responsibility for any mistakes you may have made or things you may have forgotten to do.  Then, do what you can to make amends.   I have found people very willing to forgive someone who admits to their errors, and offers to make it up.

Hopefully someone with ADHD is doing their best to better manage their day to day affairs so these crisis points become less frequent.  But if you find yourself in a tight spot tell the inner critic to zip it; you have things to take care of.